And though I have a helmet, I can’t remember when I bought it, or why: it’s a Burton RED model colored a shade of deep brown that would prompt a living coil of feces to remark, “Christ, that looks like shit,” with a spherical shape that will be sub-optimal if aerodynamics ever actually matter in my riding. My gloves were adequate but old, with palm padding that was breaking down in real time, leaving trails of tiny black debris on anything I touched. That combo kept my torso dry, but because of the limited body coverage, every time my butt hit the mountain - be it when I was strapping into my board or, as the day went on, eating shit - fistfulls of slope would do flume runs down Ned Canyon. My proper snowsports coat was at my in-laws’s place, so I was wearing a waist-length winter bomber jacket with an autumn-weight rainjacket as a waterproof shell. I’ve never liked the way goggles limit peripheral vision, so I don’t own a pair instead I typically snowboard with a pair of sunglasses - except for when I forget to bring them to the mountain, which, on this day: that. However, they don’t have any lugs or traction pattern to help navigate the ice you may encounter in modern suburbia.Let’s talk first about what I didn’t have, standing atop a Park City Mountain Resort trail in Utah on a 17-degree day in late January. (A mukluk is a soft-sided, often knee-high animal-skin boot originally worn by the aboriginal tribes of the Arctic, especially when hunting and dog-sledding.) They have one of the highest warmth-to-weight ratios of any winter shoe and are ideal for walking through deep snow.
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